Coal industry bosses and allied state and federal politicians have expressed “shock and dismay” over revelations that civil society groups like Greenpeace are working together to protect the environment.
The Bureau of Meteorology has published advice for residents to expect flash floods of indignation from right-wing directions, sporadic gusts of hot air and increasingly wrinkled corporate brows over the coming days.
The forecast comes as journalists doing “journalism” discover that green groups have, in fact, been doing exactly what their publicly-stated objectives say they do. Their mission includes the intent to “confront the greatest challenge of our generation – climate change”.
“The coal industry has solid evidence greenies are working with allies at home and around the world,” said Colin McCoalface, of the Minerals Agency.
“Their tactics include ‘upholding the law’ and ‘gathering public support’ at the expense of multinationals’ commitment to development regardless of the cost or, indeed, profitability of these ventures. It’s just not fair,” he said.
Reacting to the news, Queensland reef tour operator, Captain Ahab, said: “The greenies are getting away with saving the planet. Even after the massive coral die-off this year, I thought it was bye-bye for special places like the Reef – and early retirement for me.
“But with green groups using clever tricks like these, they might save the Reef from those poor, selfless coal barons after all. The coal bosses are gonna try to cause a media cyclone for sure.”
Central Queensland farmer, Jack Straw, said: “We know weather extremes are increasingly frequent and severe. Especially as we continue to mine and burn fossil fuels like coal. But seriously, we had no idea the chatter around corporate interests would be so extreme this far out from storm season.”
Self-interested weather conditions are expected to increase this week, with some politicians still drawing their breath.
Readers are advised to secure their homes and possessions as this adverse weather continues to develop.
This is a satirical article reminding those publishers with a fossil-fuelled agenda that their opinion isn’t necessarily “news”.